Things started out simple. My plan for her was to climb up the career ladder, marry an insanely rich man, and then start a legacy of comfortable living in peaceful lil' Sunset Valley. Was that such a difficult thing to achieve? Surely, no? Especially when our heroine is as pretty and sophisticated as she is (not to mention she has me backing her every move ~)... But see, there were a couple of things in the way.
i.) the richest man in town was married with a kid
ii.) I really didn't like the idea of my poor Mary Sue garnering the eternal hatred of some blonde Sarah Palin and her equally blond (and possibly evil) spawn.
Anyway, we're the gods for our Sims 3 world, right? I decide to bring in a little secret weapon. Namely...
"I swear I just love you, old woman. Now get rid of your husband and let me knock you up!"
You name it! Our lovely Christoper "the remorseless women-knocker-up jerkwad" Rueri is called upon this saved game to work his magic on our unsuspecting blonde Sarah Palin. Of course, this one didn't come with his long list of babies but he did have that lovely fertility treatment achievement on him. Either way, we decided to tie him up with this blonde lady to free up that slot for Luckiest Filthiest Richest Wife In Town... Smooth sailing here on, eh?
We return to our heroine... but only to find out that not only has she been married off to her co-worker who can't spell properly his name has 0s and 3s ( Cycl0n3 Sw0rd? What woman in her right mind would marry this man? Apparently, the game thought my Sim heroine was dumb enough for it...) but that she... has been... knocked up. Wrench in my plans? That's right.
We begin our next plan. But instead of going round about it and bringing some external help to break up their marriage... I turn to more natural means. Namely-- bringing fire to our humble abode.
I try this three times... two of which, we were given female firemen to quench the fires with. I was hoping for a man at least. That firemen's kids' traits were rad.... Oh, and look! ...Christopher retains that morbid sense of humor. Instead of knocking up women while his other bastard children writhes in the floor in obvious agony, he decides performing while his neighbors' houses are on fire is equally evil! It seems evil carries on to other games...
"I know our house was just on fire, but hot damn, you are hot in your suit, Mr. Fireman!"
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonades out of it. Sadly, however, the Fireman turns out to be the grumpiest loser in the neighborhood and can't get it up at all for this pretty woman. We
"Husband, what husband? That man trapped in my lawn is just a homeless bum :E"
It takes him a total three days of crying out for mercy... and then Death comes. And sadly, he's not gay and pretty-- at least, I haven't seen what's under that hood...
"Here comes the death, waiting for sweets! All your cinnabons are belong to-- erm, wait, job first! See my pretty scythe!"
Ex-husband dies; poor incompetent sob. Anyway, the guy develops a habit of raiding Shikibu's fridge at night, as a purple ghost. The woman decides enough is enough! After a coupla raises in the journalism ladder, she moves! Adios ex-husband! Hello new home ~
Next stop? Getting those maids to bed with Shikibu in her brand new home, prime for stuffing baby cribs...
"Trust me, maidman. Sleeping with the town's best reporter has its perks! Now off to bed with me! Ignore my crying baby in the other room, will you?"
"Guess what! Our one day stand worked! I'm pregnant with your baby!"
Lalalalala. Stuff happen, lady gives birth--
"Oh dearest simgoddess! My employer's popping out another spawn! I don't get paid enough babysitting for this wench! 75$ per day! Where is the justice?!"
Unfortunately for our vigilant babysitter, Shikibu is like a trainwreck that keeps wrecking. Onto Maid #2!
"On Sims 4, the programmers better add 'Life Intervention' options for babysitters. This just ain't right."
"H-hey, is that a new crib you have there? I thought you only had two- mmpph--"
"Shut up, Maidman and keep on screwing me until we hear that music box!"
Well, she ends up knocked up and maidman gets the shooshoo action as soon as the music box tune plays ~
"...focus on the silver lining. Focus on the silver lining. The employer didn't just puke in the washroom. Nope, she didn't. What nice wallpaper you have!"
And birth day comes...
"N-nothing like g-going into labor s-surrounding by my l-loving c-cribs nnggaaaaaah--"
I decide it might be funny to make her run to the hospital; pregnant and all :
"My oooold houuuuseeee---"
She comes back with... not one, but two bundles of joy!
This obviously calls for a little remodelling to accomodate the hellspawns...
"I hate this job."
And at the aspiration selection, they said something about having little to no personal time for yourself... but. They probably meant the babysitters, since for 75$ per session, you can leave every baby under their erm- tireless care.
Of course, what about the mama? The mama goes to the Spa to get much needed time away from the hellspawns ~
And there ends our installment for the night! Up next?
Building a Motel for Workaholics...
To better take advantage of the slavery rates Sims 3 gives us...
How to never have to go home to your screaming hellspawns for 75$ ~